my soap box is pink

Honestly, why the color pink was chosen for girls is beyond me.

This is going to be a tricky post to write. I hope to neither embarrass nor offend anyone.

When I go into my patients' rooms, I usually get two questions of the social nature: how old are you, and are you married. Usually I find this hilarious, because I'm thinking about what thoughts prompted such questions.
This past week, two of my patients, both women, asked the marriage question. When I answered in the negative, they both said "Good for you." I was initially confused by that reaction, and then both elaborated, in essence saying that I was too talented to waste it taking care of someone else, or that I needed to develop my career. I'm wondering now if they realize how contradictory it is to tell their nurse that she shouldn't spend her time taking care of someone else. Um, that is my career. I chose it. And I do not feel like I am wasting my time taking care of my patients, or my friends, or my family, or even random strangers.
Frankly, one of the reasons (just one of them, mind you) that I chose to go into nursing was because it is pretty compatible with family life, not only in the skills learned but also in the time available to me to spend with family. I'm guessing any feminists reading this have just hit the roof. So let's deflate a little bit and talk about feminism.

I do consider myself a feminist. I will not stand for anyone to belittle me or dismiss me because of gender. If you expect me to be quiet during a discussion where I have an opinion, think again (I mean, where do you think this post is coming from?). Absolutely women should get education. Absolutely women should have the opportunity to work. BUT (and here is where I break from the more 'traditional' feminists) if these women have families (in the sense of husbands and children), it is more important for women to spend time with those families than with their careers. Women ARE equal to men in value. But men and women ARE different (I'm not making an outrageous claim here. The idea is pretty mainstream. e.g. 'Men are from Mars.') Men and women often have a hard time understanding each other because they are different. There is a very good reason for that difference--men and women have (and please don't jump down my throat) different responsibilities that call for different skills. I'm going to quote from a modern prophetic declaration for illustration, because it's always a good idea to call for back-up in tough discussions:
"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."(Family Proclamation)

 I'll take a different approach to this discussion of women being needed in the home. Let's pretend for a bit that gene survival is our only goal--after all, it is a pretty powerful force in the animal world. Does it make any sense to have offspring, and then go pursue something that does NOT influence the development of that offspring? Oh, sure, I'll admit that having more money can give children more opportunities, but if no one has spent the time to nurture those children, giving them confidence to explore outside the sanctuary of home life, how useful are those opportunities?

Sometimes it's tempting to fall into the mind-set that being a stay-at-home mom is not quite the thing, they must be lazy, they have no ambition, etc. Well, remember when I said I wouldn't be quiet in a worthy discussion? Here it is, my soap box: I do not think becoming a mother is less worthy or rewarding or challenging than pursuing a career. I think it is more.