MDD: my dating disaster
I have a blogger friend who says that her posts on dating get way more hits than her other posts.
Except this post isn't about dating.
Not really.
It might start off with dating, but really its just background info.
That's just the bait.
Have you guys seen Sherlock? The BBC series with Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch? The first episode starts with Dr Watson, who is seeing a therapist for PTSD. The therapist told him to write a blog, promising that it will help.
That must be a common prescription for therapists to give out, because mine gave me the same one for my MDD. Except that doesn't stand for "my dating disaster" as the title suggests. It stands for major depressive disorder.
I'm supposed to blog for self-discovery. You see, I lost myself somewhere after my last relationship. Well, I knew I was real. I knew God was real, and even better, I knew that He loved me, but I had a hard time caring, and I couldn't see a happy ending at all.
Since I have a medical background and a psychologist upbringing (thanks, mom), I tried to fix me. I exercised, because that releases endorphins and makes you feel good. As a bonus, it makes you look good. I listened to good music. I read my scriptures. I attended church. I went to the temple. I volunteered to clean my church, to clean the Houston temple, to give people rides. Heck, you could say my job should be pretty good as far as giving service goes.
No go.
So I tried therapy.
Actually, at this point I would like to say that the healthcare system is not helpful for people who have limited motivation. It was very difficult to find somebody that took my insurance that was in my area that was rated well that had appointments available. You have to really want something to get it.
I wasn't sure I really wanted therapy, because more or less I'm fine.
But the less was getting more common than the more.
So, therapy.
Therapy is really interesting. It is the trick of getting the other person to realize something that you already know, but can't outright tell them because the idea has to come from that other person in order to take hold of their thinking process and make a change.
I guess it's like that scene on My Big Fat Greek Wedding when the mother manages to get the father to agree to her daughter working for her aunt by making him think he thought of the idea himself.
I gather that the first step to healing is accepting the experience. It was the feeling of being alone that triggered the depression, so we thought (or rather, my therapist made me think) of things I could learn from this experience.
Thankfully, I like who I am. So we just had to work with liking where I am.
I had a major breakthrough a couple months ago. People at work kept asking me when I was going back to school. I am very involved in work right now, and I just don't see the space to fit school. Plus, I still have travelling plans. It's not that I'm not going to school because I don't think I'm smart. I do think I'm smart. I'm just doing other things. School is a good thing, but at the right moment. That idea can apply to being single. Serious dating is a good thing, but at the right moment. Even though I liked me, I was hurting from the idea that other people didn't like me. So I had to rephrase that. The Mr Right [maybe he is working through serious issues of his own. It better be something darn important.] may not like me right now due to absence or ignorance, but it's not because I'm not good enough. It's just a time to do other things. As the singer Mika says, live your life til love is found.
So that helped the problem of the where.
But why?
That's a tricky one. Why would God have let me experience so much heartache, especially when I was seeking His guidance at all critical points?
Well, didn't I know in heaven that life would come with pain? Isn't that how I got to be mortal in the first place? Didn't I agree to all kinds of experiences for the good of both others AND myself? Isn't it necessary to find out about myself? [go here for more about these important propositions]
There's a story that I like as shared here: Truman Madsen asked why God would test Abraham's loyalty by asking him to sacrifice his son. He's God; He should know already. The answer from Hugh Brown is profoundly unexpected: Abraham needed to learn something about Abraham.
Life is about discovery. The most important discovery is an internal one.
Except this post isn't about dating.
Not really.
It might start off with dating, but really its just background info.
That's just the bait.
Have you guys seen Sherlock? The BBC series with Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch? The first episode starts with Dr Watson, who is seeing a therapist for PTSD. The therapist told him to write a blog, promising that it will help.
That must be a common prescription for therapists to give out, because mine gave me the same one for my MDD. Except that doesn't stand for "my dating disaster" as the title suggests. It stands for major depressive disorder.
I'm supposed to blog for self-discovery. You see, I lost myself somewhere after my last relationship. Well, I knew I was real. I knew God was real, and even better, I knew that He loved me, but I had a hard time caring, and I couldn't see a happy ending at all.
Since I have a medical background and a psychologist upbringing (thanks, mom), I tried to fix me. I exercised, because that releases endorphins and makes you feel good. As a bonus, it makes you look good. I listened to good music. I read my scriptures. I attended church. I went to the temple. I volunteered to clean my church, to clean the Houston temple, to give people rides. Heck, you could say my job should be pretty good as far as giving service goes.
No go.
So I tried therapy.
Actually, at this point I would like to say that the healthcare system is not helpful for people who have limited motivation. It was very difficult to find somebody that took my insurance that was in my area that was rated well that had appointments available. You have to really want something to get it.
I wasn't sure I really wanted therapy, because more or less I'm fine.
But the less was getting more common than the more.
So, therapy.
Therapy is really interesting. It is the trick of getting the other person to realize something that you already know, but can't outright tell them because the idea has to come from that other person in order to take hold of their thinking process and make a change.
I guess it's like that scene on My Big Fat Greek Wedding when the mother manages to get the father to agree to her daughter working for her aunt by making him think he thought of the idea himself.
I gather that the first step to healing is accepting the experience. It was the feeling of being alone that triggered the depression, so we thought (or rather, my therapist made me think) of things I could learn from this experience.
Thankfully, I like who I am. So we just had to work with liking where I am.
I had a major breakthrough a couple months ago. People at work kept asking me when I was going back to school. I am very involved in work right now, and I just don't see the space to fit school. Plus, I still have travelling plans. It's not that I'm not going to school because I don't think I'm smart. I do think I'm smart. I'm just doing other things. School is a good thing, but at the right moment. That idea can apply to being single. Serious dating is a good thing, but at the right moment. Even though I liked me, I was hurting from the idea that other people didn't like me. So I had to rephrase that. The Mr Right [maybe he is working through serious issues of his own. It better be something darn important.] may not like me right now due to absence or ignorance, but it's not because I'm not good enough. It's just a time to do other things. As the singer Mika says, live your life til love is found.
So that helped the problem of the where.
But why?
That's a tricky one. Why would God have let me experience so much heartache, especially when I was seeking His guidance at all critical points?
Well, didn't I know in heaven that life would come with pain? Isn't that how I got to be mortal in the first place? Didn't I agree to all kinds of experiences for the good of both others AND myself? Isn't it necessary to find out about myself? [go here for more about these important propositions]
There's a story that I like as shared here: Truman Madsen asked why God would test Abraham's loyalty by asking him to sacrifice his son. He's God; He should know already. The answer from Hugh Brown is profoundly unexpected: Abraham needed to learn something about Abraham.
Life is about discovery. The most important discovery is an internal one.
| I love my organs |
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