Inspiration. aka breathing.
Twice a year, my church has a General Conference that takes up the weekend with inspirational messages. I request to have this time off work, but that doesn't always work out, so this past Sunday I got up early to go to work. I ate my cereal while reading my scriptures, And then I saw something that quickened my breath.
a COCKROACH.
And not only a cockroach, but a really big one. 2-3 inches, I swear.
I have one certified phobia in this life, and it was approaching me on 6 legs.
I sat up on the table to get out of reach, and tried to focus on the words of Isaiah [this was not the best time to search for meaning in Isaiah] And I sent up a wordless prayer of anxiety.
At that moment, IT was eye level with me on the wall not 2 feet away, causing me to jump, whimper, and spill milk everywhere.
My mother taught me to not cry over spilt milk, so that wasn't a concern. Actually, I didn't even bother cleaning it up. Not a top priority. I went upstairs for refuge, nearly running into my roommate who had gotten up to blow her nose.
"Melissa, [thank goodness you've been sick so that you can be awake in my time of need] there's a cockroach."
I don't recall what she said, but based on the fact that she crawled back in bed, it must have been something like "oh. zzzzzzzzzzzz"
After a while I crept back down the stairs, sort-of hoping I'd see it so that I'd know where it was, and mostly hoping it had gone away and had a heart attack. Or a stroke. Or a pulmonary embolism. Heck, I can wish every single disease on that bug.
It hadn't.
If anything, it had been struck by narcissism. I stood on the stairs looking at it as it walked around, stuck out a back leg, and preened. Honest Abe, he did.
The thought crossed my mind to call in to work. Because a cockroach stood between me and the door.
This is serious stuff.
IT continued slowly walking around, doing the hokey-pokey or whatever.
So after a minute or two, and praying like crazy (because let's face it, I'm crazy) I picked up a shoe [thanks Christina. No way was I going to use my own...] and crept up on it, and whacked it, then ran out the door.
"Why, God? Why did I have to do that?" I asked as I drove to work, still hyperventilating.
It did occur to me that God gave me an easy shot at the monster bug.
It also occurred to me that I just proved to myself that I am capable of things I had not thought feasible. And that killing my own demon empowered me to face the day.
"Okay, fine. It worked out. But let's get this straight. I DO NOT want that to be part of the morning routine."
When I got home that night, and jumped over the spot where the cockroach lay, I realized that Need gives me Courage to do what is necessary.
So I asked my roommate to dispose of the body.
a COCKROACH.
And not only a cockroach, but a really big one. 2-3 inches, I swear.
I have one certified phobia in this life, and it was approaching me on 6 legs.
I sat up on the table to get out of reach, and tried to focus on the words of Isaiah [this was not the best time to search for meaning in Isaiah] And I sent up a wordless prayer of anxiety.
At that moment, IT was eye level with me on the wall not 2 feet away, causing me to jump, whimper, and spill milk everywhere.
My mother taught me to not cry over spilt milk, so that wasn't a concern. Actually, I didn't even bother cleaning it up. Not a top priority. I went upstairs for refuge, nearly running into my roommate who had gotten up to blow her nose.
"Melissa, [thank goodness you've been sick so that you can be awake in my time of need] there's a cockroach."
I don't recall what she said, but based on the fact that she crawled back in bed, it must have been something like "oh. zzzzzzzzzzzz"
After a while I crept back down the stairs, sort-of hoping I'd see it so that I'd know where it was, and mostly hoping it had gone away and had a heart attack. Or a stroke. Or a pulmonary embolism. Heck, I can wish every single disease on that bug.
It hadn't.
If anything, it had been struck by narcissism. I stood on the stairs looking at it as it walked around, stuck out a back leg, and preened. Honest Abe, he did.
The thought crossed my mind to call in to work. Because a cockroach stood between me and the door.
This is serious stuff.
IT continued slowly walking around, doing the hokey-pokey or whatever.
So after a minute or two, and praying like crazy (because let's face it, I'm crazy) I picked up a shoe [thanks Christina. No way was I going to use my own...] and crept up on it, and whacked it, then ran out the door.
"Why, God? Why did I have to do that?" I asked as I drove to work, still hyperventilating.
It did occur to me that God gave me an easy shot at the monster bug.
It also occurred to me that I just proved to myself that I am capable of things I had not thought feasible. And that killing my own demon empowered me to face the day.
"Okay, fine. It worked out. But let's get this straight. I DO NOT want that to be part of the morning routine."
When I got home that night, and jumped over the spot where the cockroach lay, I realized that Need gives me Courage to do what is necessary.
So I asked my roommate to dispose of the body.
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