C’mon guys, they’re harmless

A few months ago, I tried to convince my boyfriend Mark to accompany me on a laser tag mission at Battlefield Houston [no, I am not receiving compensation for this post for any endorsements]. He declined, saying that after experiencing paintballing, laser tag just was not rousing enough.
So I let it slide.
But I think he wanted to win me over to his side of the matter, because this past week he told me he was going to take me paintballing.

After the experience, I had a childhood flashback to a scene from The Swan Princess (1994 movie by Nest). Derek wants to practice his archery. Normally his servants dutifully dress up like animals so that he and a friend can shoot them with padded arrows covered with colored chalk (as a way to determine which archer shot which animal). One day, royal musicians are coerced into being the animals, because the servants got the day off; understandably, they object. Derek cajoles them, saying  "C'mon guys, they're harmless."



I now understand their displeasure; the harm is not in the tip, but in the pressure or force propelling the arrow (or paintball). It may not pierce skin, but it nonetheless disrupted blood vessels.

 

It's got a good ripple effect going on.








So after my initiation into paintballing with a hit to my arm, I stayed low and behind brush and trees (preferably trees. They provide a more solid shield). When squatting didn't work (and when it got uncomfortable), I opted for shooting while prone. When I ran out of ammo, I started picking up the intact paintballs scattered around me and shooting them back. I took to moving worm-like on the ground to keep a low profile. And I learned on-the-job the ammo-conserving skill of differentiating shadows from movement.

Laser tag has pain-free shooting on its side, but the paintball welts don't hurt after an hour or so (assuming no one touches the bruised skin), and I don't have to breathe the warehouse-plus-fog-machine air of the laser tag environment.
Plus accuracy of shooting varies more with paintballs, which can level the playing field a little.

It feels less like 'playing' and more like 'life.' I'm thrown into paintballing to live it, because if I don't shoot the enemy, they shoot me; if they shoot me, it hurts; so stop being self-conscious and start fighting for the integrity of your body.
But don't expect me to drop and give you twenty.