Bigger or Better: Life outside of Texas

 Because it is November, the month allotted for Thanksgiving in the United States, I have been thinking about gratitude. In some sense, it's a rather simple virtue to follow--look at what you have, and give thanks for it--but I have been realizing that it can go much MUCH deeper. aka more complicated. It is possible for me to be grateful for what I have, but still want more; therefore, I am not exactly content with what God gave me.  For example, I like the apartment we live in, but am often longing for a house big enough to allow for needing less under-bed storage and thus the chance to get the bedframe off of the cement blocks it's been sitting on for 4 years. This seems a small request, but I suspect that as far as humans and material stuff go, we are rather like the camel that only wants his nose out of the storm, but then slowly takes over the whole tent. In a pre-COVID era a year or so ago, I was at someone's house with lots of other women, and was slightly (okay, ver...

 In the past few weeks, I have volunteered to be a street medic at public gatherings. The main takeaway is profound sadness. I am having a hard time believing the assaults I see happening are in the United States, in the present time. Naïve of me, I suppose.  As I stood facing thousands of Trump supporters who chanted obscene hatred in unison, threatening violence to those who disagreed, I felt like I was at Helm's Deep in the LOTR...except these people are my countrymen, perhaps even my neighbors. Only a half-dozen people expressed love towards the other side, and only 3 of them sounded sincere. And while I have seen pleas from each side to listen to the other's concerns, no one seems to be following through on that. Well, there's no person like your own person to change that. Let's get the ball rolling. I am concerned about - the effect each person has on the health of another -the way laws are interpreted and enforced to preferentially benefit one group -the increasi...

  sci. amer. Sorry for the repetitive theme, but the pandemic sort-of consumes my life now. Once upon a time 3-4 months ago, while I was working with the Infectious Disease team at Georgetown, one of the doctors asked me if all of my friends and relatives were contacting me a lot with questions about SARS-CoV-2. I responded that actually, I was trying to convince many friends and family that COVID-19 was a big deal. eamc.org Unfortunately for both those friends/family and me, that has not changed. I am trying to figure out how to influence others' public health behavior without seeming to be overbearing, nasty, or unempathetic. It's not working. Last week, when Mark and I went to church physically for the first time in about 8 months, a friend came up to me to talk, and I learned that she is becoming more anxious and depressed with this pandemic [a problem all around, really] and is planning a trip to a particular part of the country--which I know is having a surge in COVID cas...

 Sometimes during hard times in life, when we are not absolutely overcome by stress, we get to grow a little in our soul. Hardship seems to naturally bring reflection--the very beginnings of it are seen in the common exclamation "Why me? How could this happen?"--and once we get over the self-pity, we can delve into true introspection, and begin an honest examination of our essence. Which is how I arrived at questioning whether I valued flesh over spirit, i.e. mankind's health or his redemption. I am very passionate about promoting health literacy and preventing disease [This may have come from my nursing career, or it may have caused my nursing career, or it may be that I don't want to be in charge of healing the entire world so let's get everyone's self-actualization going.], and boy have I had a lot to work with (or rather, work against) in this SARS-CoV-2 pandemic. I'm posting medical articles, giving [mostly]-solicited advice, and commenting with [the ...

 Last week the bishop of our church congregation [which doesn't actually congregate nowadays, being mostly on Zoom] helped us fill out a list of foods we needed from the Bishop's Storehouse [think of it as a  Food Bank, but managed by a religious organization]. It's the second time in the past two months that I've received groceries from the Storehouse, and it is such a God-send. I feel a little weird being on the receiving end, because it's not like we don't have any money, but it helps relieve some financial pressure when we don't have an income.  And it has a big impact on our menu.  Meat for hamburger patties? From the Storehouse. Cheese for the hamburgers? Tomato slices? From the Storehouse. Potatoes for homemade fries? From the Storehouse. Bread buns for aforementioned hamburgers? From the Storehouse, and quite miraculously: the volunteer who bagged the groceries put a cantaloupe on top of the buns, so they were a bit flattened, but overnight they flu...

 When I was high-school-age or younger, I thought the best way to approach (or, rather, receive ) difficulties in life was to take it all at once, and then you're home free for the rest of your life. No. Bad idea. If all of my trials came at me altogether as if they were the worst searchlight to ever locate a human being, I would crumple and burn. I believe my childhood logic was only taking into account the troubles that had happened to me so far, which were mostly non-fatal illnesses and school-related worries. I hadn't considered such things as conflict at work, or being overworked, or having (as I do now) no work. Logically, it's impossible to experience all of those work concerns simultaneously--how does one have conflict at a job if there is no job?--but even if there were no paradoxes, the "one-and-done" trial by all-existing-elements would not succeed. I'm defining success in trials as the ability to get back up after being knocked down, and it's a...

 Once upon a time, back when I was single, I had an acquaintance [I know that sounds stand-offish, but I feel really bad saying she's a friend right now when I can't even remember her name. I am so sorry, whoever you are] who used the term "funemployment." Well, that's one way to spin unpaid productivity. Or, more realistically, periods of unpaid unproductivity. My last day of work at my temporary job was last week. I was feeling nostalgic, and took pictures of things I'd miss. Like how the pictures in the women's bathroom are odd for the demographic they should be aiming for. ~framed pics of golf courses--not the first thing I think of when considering the female gender in a bathroom~ Or being in my favorite stairwell ~inspirational quotes and everything~ Or the lame retardant. I find it very interesting that the thought didn't even occur to me to take pictures of the people I've been working with. But, you know, I have their emails and cell numb...

 As I was trying to fall back asleep early this morning, I reflected on how much "x" is used in medical jargon. It doesn't represent a sound or a particular suffix, so I can't think how it got into so many abbreviations. Ultimately, this thought prompted me to go through the entire alphabet looking for all the ways "x" is used. And, no, it wasn't as soporific as counting sheep. But now I can share what I've come up with. A--[nothing that I'm familiar with. Actually, I'm going to skip all of the vowels because I don't think they are mainstream medical words] Bx--biopsy Cx--culture (as in microbial growth, not referring to the common beliefs and values of a group) Dx--diagnosis Fx; fxn--fracture; function Gx--[apparently used in pharmacology; I've never used it. or seen it.] Hx--history (e.g., social history, medical history, family history) Jx--joint [maybe. according to Google, anyway] Kx--[umm, nada.] Lx--maybe laxatives. maybe nothi...

There's a very important lesson I have learned from church: in confrontations, it is less antagonistic to share personal experiences than to share doctrinal arguments. I'm going to apply that to COVID-19, because for illogical reasons, it is a controversial topic. Is it going to answer every question about SARS-CoV-2? No. Are my experiences representative of those of healthcare professions across the country? Probably not. But hey, this is a blog, not a medical journal. Treatment Since the second week of May, I've been working with the Infectious Disease (ID) division, primarily to help out with COVID-19 patients. In the first week or two, all we had for treatment was tocilizumab (to stop a 'cytokine storm', which is an overexcited immune system making things way too hard on the body). It doesn't affect the actual virus at all. And is only helpful if you actually have a cytokine storm. And ok, technically, we also had convalescent plasma (antibodies from the b...

The other day at work, one of the patients I was following as part of the Infectious Disease consult team had an interesting convergence of current and "rudimentary" medical treatment. He had an infection [hopefully you figured that part out, since the ID team was consulted] in his foot that would not be cleared by antibiotics alone. Why? Because he had necrotic (aka dead/rotting) tissue that the bacteria would hang out in. If the tissue is dead, that means it doesn't have blood circulation to it anymore, which means any antibiotic we gave him--either intravenously or orally--would not reach where the bacteria were hiding. And it was most definitely not something that can be cured with Neosporin. The necessary cure? Cut off the dead tissue. Which usually takes multiple trips to the operating room, since we'd like to only remove unsalavageable tissue, which is a developing process--we watch for what heals and what doesn't. The alternative for becoming an OR frequen...

Social media is a cursed blessing. I get a general sense of what is going on in the lives of friends, family, acquaintances, and colleagues, helping me to see what they look like, what is important to them, what they think. And, as I said, it's a blessing and a curse. Without social media, I could assume everybody I knew thought as I did, with the same political views or lifestyle choices or what-have-you. As I discover that such an assumption is not true, it becomes difficult not to "weed out" the dissimilars so that I am (virtually) surrounded by people who think and act like me. Truthfully, I still might do that if the dissenting voice is some person I don't know that well. But I can't do that with family. I'm stuck with them. For life. and also for after-life, considering I believe families are forever. So basically, what I'm saying is: one of my aunts [ good luck figuring out which one. I have about 16 aunts, assuming all of my uncles are married to...

Sometimes, in unprecedented times such as now, truths become crystal clear--that life is valuable, that friendship makes hard things bearable, and that we have ingrained flaws. Not that being flawed is solely our fault, but correcting--or even acknowledging--those flaws most certainly is our responsibility. For example, when I was in elementary school, I was under the impression that race relations had been resolved during the civil rights movement. Turns out that was wrong, but I still had no clear grasp of the extent of the problem; I next thought that affirmative action was stupid and unnecessary. And then, at my next progression of mind, I thought that I was becoming fairly non-biased and non-discriminatory. And I was in that mindset until I listened to the experiences of people of color. My new truth: there is no way I can fully grasp what it is like to face constant discrimination of a kind that threatens my life. I suspect I will always have some bit of bias, because how can I e...

When I first starting working as a nurse, an acquaintance at church told me my life sounded like a bed of roses. I don't think anyone's life is a bed of roses. Even celebrities. I mean, what about Tom Hanks getting COVID19? What about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's failed marriage (which I am still, inexplicably, sad about, when I don't even follow Hollywood developments)? What we see of each other's lives is only what they disclose, and it sure is a lot more fun to disclose the happy things than the sad ones. Case in point: I published an article last week in a nursing journal. I immediately shared it. Like I'm in the peak of my career or something. But it has taken me until now to share something that happened 2 weeks ago [the week before I shared news of the article]. I was laid off. Looking back, I can see a perfect alignment of coincidences that led to that moment. Finding my feet as a new nurse practitioner--> waiting for paperwork that would le...

I sense I'm not alone in this, but I am struggling for motivation to do things during quarantine. Part of the problem is of course that there is less to do (can't go see museums, or travel to Virginia Beach to eat kolaches, or wander around a mall), but now that I technically have the time to read a bunch of books, instead I stare out the window and scroll through pointless "news" stories. Which means...time to think of the good things in life! now that we have a treadmill, I can watch a movie while "exercising" neither me nor my husband is sick I'm not furloughed or fired from my job, which means we still have income the pandemic hasn't diminished Mark's and my enjoyment of playing the game Pandemic we have lots of different movies available to us we live in a pretty area people in our area are, from what I can tell, taking the pandemic seriously when I couldn't find any paper towels locally, my mom shipped me some even when I...

[Writer's Note: I realize that purchasing exercise equipment, in addition to having a job, is a luxury right now. If you get annoyed, skip this post.] Near the beginning of March, Mark and I walked 30 feet to access our apartment gym--to find out that it was locked. This was before everything was closed, so we weren't sure if it was on purpose or if it was a mechanical error. Either way, we couldn't get in, which means I couldn't bike recumbent, and Mark couldn't improve his mile-time on the treadmill. We've been taking walks through different neighborhoods, and have discovered what a beautiful area we have tucked behind retail and construction zones...but it doesn't much help our hopes to get-in-shape. We could, of course, do what most people have done for centuries and run outside , but at this point in the stay-at-home saga, we are rather low on self-discipline. It's easier to keep our butts moving if the ground (aka treadmill track) beneath us ...

I am becoming increasingly stressed from COVID-19's impact on my work and on my personal life. I'm guessing everyone is feeling something like it. That little strand of RNA is turning the whole wide world upside-down. So galling. Therefore, to make me feel better, I am going to think of some of the best things I have received. 2-headed shower thing with hose--hose shower sprayers are amazing. it makes rinsing so easy, and I love that I can hold the sprayer away from me until the water warms up a bit microwave popcorn bowl--makes your own popcorn in the microwave. cheaper and healthier than buying packets of microwave popcorn, and way easier than an air-popper. I especially like how I can add the seasoning to the popcorn before popping it in the microwave for better distribution of flavor electric washable blanket--I get cold. this blanket gets me warm. what else is there to say onion goggles--my eyes are very sensitive to onion fumes, but I love the taste of onions. it...

I don't know why, but I imagine a Minnesota accent when I ruminate on the pronunciation of hockey. I'm not from Minnesota, and as far as I know I've never been to Minnesota, but that doesn't stop me from hearing the northern dialect in my head. I got into watching hockey when I started dating Mark, because he idolizes the Pittsburgh Penguins. If I'm claiming to be into any sport, the best bet is hockey. I enjoy following the Penguins team with Mark, but that doesn't mean we see the same things. Mark will be following the puck turnover closely, and then I'll pipe up, "Oh, look, some Asian companies are advertised on the rink's perimeter. I didn't know Asia was into hockey." Or he'll be listening to media interviews of the coach, and I'll mention, "Wow, did you see his tie? Super classy." ---- Yesterday, I heard about the miracle-on-ice scenario of an emergency backup goalie helping score a win against his "home ...

I believe I've hinted at this before, but I chose to have surgery on my spine again. Anatomic reason: having a herniated disc meant that the original disc between L5-S1 [lower back] vertebrae is shorter, and contributed to further degeneration in the area. Physiologic reason: it hurt. Last week I had a spinal fusion from the front [technical name ALIF]. I had originally thought my L5-S1 vertebrae would be stabilized with titanium, so prior to surgery I mentally-played Titanium : " You shoot me down but I won't fall/  I am titanium " Turns out my surgeon used synthetic bone graft instead. Well...whatever. Glad I didn't make any T-shirts with that phrase. Me without eyebrows I was kept overnight (maybe for pain control? they had me on a ketamine drip), and because inpatient hospital procedure schedules are dumb, Radiology sent a wheelchair to take me to my xray at 3am. I got out of it by having shaking, nausea, and lightheadedness once standing. Don...

To get to and from work, I take the metro, then a shuttle bus, then I walk through the university campus to the hospital [and the reverse of that to get home] . Sometimes the shuttle bus isn't immediately there, so when it's windy and cold I wait in the lobby of some gymnasium building where I can keep an eye on the bus stop but not freeze while doing so. Recently, while waiting for the bus, I noticed there were several manikins in school-color uniforms. And I realized, without having to look too closely, that the female manikin in field-hockey garb was wearing a sports bra underneath her jersey. I gotta wonder what made that particular outcome occur. A few days after that, I killed some time looking at the sport trophies of the university: track and field, cross-country, field hockey, soccer, and basketball. Each one had a small figure in relief, matching the action and gender of the associated trophy; for example, a girl running on the "Cross-Country" cup, or a...

Most families have family traditions, especially surrounding holiday time. Same with Mark and me, except it seems that our "tradition" is more of a curse, and a year-round kind of thing. Remember when my youngest brother got married  and I noted that something is usually wrong with my parents' septic system right when Mark and I visit? Yeah...we almost had a visit to their house  this past week with no incident. Until I noted to my dad that the downstairs bathtub continually dripped water, and the sink faucet was loose. I'm not familiar with septic systems (or anything involving non-human-anatomy plumbing), so I wasn't aware that if water continually drains in a septic set-up, the septic pump has to run near-continuously, which is bad for the motor, which could lead to it dying, which would mean septic flooding. So, yeah, problem. Which is why a call to the plumber was necessary. Making this approximately the 4th-time-running that Mark and my visit to m...